A stone obelisk slams into the earth, causing loose dirt and small rocks to shoot into the air, the force powering the particles into the sky. The obelisk is hoisted back into the air, attached to a metallic, thick chain. A massive hand pulls the chain down, propelling the obelisk back into the ground. The hand continued to slam the obelisk into the ground and pulling it to the sky at a steady 4/4 beat at 40 bpm. Another hand started to rustle the chain vigorously, almost as if playing a tambourine. A pair of hands was slapping its obelisk, almost as if playing the congas. One hand was holding a vine that was attached to the owner’s tooth, while the other hand strummed a note to the same 4/4 beat. Out of nowhere, a troll leapt out of the trees into the clearing, power sliding on its knees across the dirt. It let out a horrendous wail, closing its eyes and singing to the heavens with its right hand offering the cacophony to the Gods. Then, what is politely described as singing, the wailing troll began to croon, a tune that was only known to troll kind.
Kratos and Atreus sat in the bushes observing the trolls attempting to play music. Kratos’ face wore a look of pure disgust. “What the hell are they doing?” he queried to Atreus, unsure of what his eyes were seeing. Atreus had his pants down by his ankles when Kratos looked over. Kratos began to vomit as he witnessed his son watching the trolls out of the corner of his eyes while pulling on his little pecker. Atreus was pulling feverishly as the beat rang out over and over. Kratos was so sickened that the vomit began to project into the clearing, splashing the trolls. The trolls, thinking it rain as they aren’t the most intellectual creatures to exist, opened their mouths and rocked even harder. The singer rubbed the vomitus into his chest pores, gyrating and crooning even more passionately.
The singer let out one final wail. Atreus joined in, finishing himself to completion. Kratos composed himself, wiping his mouth of the bile. He grabbed his axe and lopped his son’s head clean off. He threw the body to the trolls, which immediately began to fight over who was to eat the fresh meat. Kratos punted Atreus’ head as hard as he could, sending it careening over a cliff and into the seas.
This week on the Chompcast, we are still reveling in the glory that is God of War. It also inspired our topic again this week: uses of family in video games. We announced our Patreon going up, the results of the polls, and a Bio Break regarding grey hair and the immune system. Come listen!
Recorded May 4, 2018