Super Smash Brothers Ultimate

Mystery Driller - Ep. 158

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A man arose from a bed with a jolt, disoriented and unsure of everything. Where was he? How did he get here? Why was he naked? What fabric softener was used on these sheets that he was under? He scanned the room he was in, giving his eyes a few second to focus. It was sterile and spartan. There were items in the room, but he did not recognize them. What was their use?

He pushed himself up from the bed and began to look at the items. None were useful, so he quickly lost interest. He began to scan the walls and look for an exit. He felt around for a while but could find no door. There were no windows for him to peek out of. He was trapped in the room with no memory, no food, nothing to do, and no escape. He gave up, sat on the bed, and waited.

Hours passed by as he sat there, thinking. He could remember earlier parts of his life, but when he thought about how he got here or why he was here, the memories were fuzzy. It was almost as if they were being blocked by a mental barrier. Nothing he did was bringing himself closer to remembering.

Suddenly a part of the wall opened. A doorway formed, and a few unknown figures stepped through. The man stood up immediately and braced himself. His body went into a fight or flight response. He was ready for anything. Two people stood in the room opposite him. He looked at one, noticing that he was a doctor immediately.

When he gazed upon the other one, he was shocked. He gasped as he took a step back. There before him stood a man that looked exactly like him. The only differences were the lack of blemishes on this imposter’s face and the terrible, atrocious, garbage haircut that he had. I mean, the haircut was, like, really fucking bad. So so bad. How could they fuck it up? Ugh, Anyways.

“Who are you?” the man yelled at the imposter, immediately wanting answers. He had not noticed that he had completely forgone formalities or courtesies.

“He is you,” the first strange man answered. “We cloned you, making his face look more perceivable than yours. Astonishing, yeah?”

The man was taken aback. He stared hard for a few seconds before replying, “I mean, yes, the face looks incredible. But what the hell did you do to his hair?”

This week on the Chompcast, we discussed the awesome 40-minute Nintendo Direct that dropped last week. We wrangled up some polls for you to vote on. We also had a healthy, lengthy discussion of the Final Fantasy 8 remaster. Jokes were abound in this episode. Hop right in and enjoy!

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Nintendo Direct - 14:26

Overwatch - 17:05

Little Town Hero - 22:26

Xenoblade Chronicals - 54:05

World of Warcraft Classic - 58:47

Minecraft interlude (and then back to WoW) - 1:00:16

Polls - 1:17:00

Final Fantasy 8 Remaster - 1:31:46

Days Gone - 2:01:51

Recorded September 6, 2019

Incessant Badger - Ep. 139

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Dear fans,

This is a 3-course meal to you. We have carefully curated this episode for your excitement and titillation. We have prepared the audio foreplay appetizer by discussing when game series become iconic and everlasting versus wearing out their welcome. We continued the pleasure dish by bringing out the main love dish: discussion of games, primarily Katana Zero. We finished the meal with a delectable dessert of social media comments, polls, and the Patreon shout-outs.

If you want to check out our awesome sponsor, Sassy D Merch, check them out here!

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Irrelevant Franchise Entries - 15:07

Listener Comments - 43:05

Mortal Kombat 11 - 54:07

Sassy D Merch ad - 1:14:08

Weekly Polls - 1:16:47

Duskers - 1:30:12

Katana Zero - 1:36:23

Patreon Shoutout - 1:43:02

Recorded April 26, 2019

Groovy - Ep. 131

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Dun dun dun dun dun-dun dun dun dun dun dun-dun!

You are face to face with a trainer. You are clutching at your belt, deciding which Pokemon to throw out first. Your enemy tosses her first Pokeball out, and a Steelix emerges.

You think to yourself, I know what I’ll do! I’ll throw out my new water starter! It needs the experience. You take a Pokeball from your belt and throw it to the battlefield.

You look in front of you in confusion and horror. A Trubbish sits on the field staring back at you with its gomi eyes.

“What the hell?” you say out loud.

You throw the Pokeball back and put the Pokemon back into its ball.

“I’ve never even caught this Pokemon before. Oh well. Next one!”

Another Trubbish emerges.

“For the love of Arceus!”

You return the second Trubbish. You throw the other four Pokeballs at once, and 4 Trubbish sit in a garbage pile together. You stare dumbfounded. You throw the empty Pokeballs and the other two to the ground, and you walk away in anger.

This week on the Chompcast, Pokemon has made its away around to us again, as we discuss our first impressions of the reveal of Gen 8. We discuss our time with Anthem, enjoying it more than the critics. Morgan discusses his time with Far Cry: New Dawn. We run through the social media business, and we give you our business as we have fun in this excellent episode!

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Pokemon Sword and Shield impressions - 2:18

Listener Pokemon comments - 38:04

Anthem - 1:03:24

Far Cry New Dawn - 1:45:22

Sassy D Merch ad - 1:49:15

Catching up with the crew - 1:51:38

Legalizing Prostitution - 1:59:06

Recorded March 1, 2019

Dayamon - Ep. 130

Dayamon

What games have you been buying, ya jabroni? Don’t look at me like that, or I’ll knock your teeth out! Anyways, we’ve been buying the same games over and over again because…well it’s none of your damn business. You wanna go, loser? Didn’t think so.

HEY, I’M WALKING HERE!

So check this out, we discuss those games we love to buy. We talk about Far Cry New Dawn. We talk about our sponsor who loves phalluses. We talk about this listener comments and poll results, and if you have a problem with it, you can go fly a kite, ya turd!

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Games we keep buying - 22:39

Listener Comments - 49:27

Sassy D Merch ad - 1:05:36

Far Cry New Dawn - 1:19:35

Weekly Polls - 1:37:04

Patreon Shout-out - 1:56:00

Recorded February 22, 2019

The Blue Bullet - Ep. 128

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Josh and Shea are sitting by a fireside enjoying a nice glass of Glenlivet and chamomile, respectably. In their maroon, high-backed sofa chairs, they wait. There is a reverential silence between them, both basking in the hearth and savoring their delightful solutions. They glance over at each other after swallowing their sips, and nod their heads while pouting their lower lips out in approval.

Oh, I’m a gummy bear

Yes, I’m a gummy bear

The sound of two chaps singing in the distance prods its way into the scene. The flame begins to flicker in protest. Josh closes his eyes in distress and gently turning his head to the neck. His mouth crunches together to hold in his annoyance. Shea grabs his eyebrow ridges with his right thumb and pointer finger, looking downwards in despair.

Oh, I’m a yummy tummy funny lucky gummy bear

Josh opens his eyes, and looks at his glass of scotch. He pushes it away, no longer being able to stomach the drink as the sound grows nearer. Shea begins to dry heave lightly, attempting to keep his mouth closed and the tea down as the song violates their ears. The door bursts open, and Fish and Morgan appear in the doorway holding hands. They are sporting bear ears on their heads, short neon shorts, and face paint. They hold their free hands to the sky and tilt their head as they sing:

I’m a jelly bear cause I’M A GUMMY BEAAAAAAR!

Josh punches the glass across the room in rage, shattering the glass. The contents splash all over some very important, incredibly sophisticated leather-bound books, soaking the pages. Shea turns away from everyone and begins to purge onto the mahogany flooring. He wipes his mouth and faces them with tears welled in his eyes and occasionally dripping down his face.

“Please,” Josh looks and says to the two guests, “be quiet. Just hush your perverted tongues.”

Fish and Morgan looks to each other quizzically, and then back to the two in their chairs. They shrug their shoulders. They both open their mouth, taking in a deep breath to continue their song. At that moment, the flame decides that it has had enough of the two’s tomfoolery. It spontaneously roars, causing the entire house to light aflame in a matter of seconds. The four burn and are never heard from again.

This week on the Chompcast, we talk about competitive gaming, and console each other about sucking so hard. Next, we discussed the new battle royale game sweeping the gaming world, Apex Legends. We discuss our first bit of time with Kingdom Hearts 3. Rounding up the end of the show, we discuss the listener poll results.

Thank you to our sponsor Sassy D Merch for providing us with endless phallic jokes and merchandise. If you are interested, check them out here.

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Competitive Games - 15:57

Listener Comments - 41:19

Apex Legends - 52:02

Kingdom Hearts 3 - 1:16:53

Sponsored by Sassy D Merch - 1:41:41

Weekly Polls - 1:46:39

Recorded February 8, 2019

Dragon-like Interactions - Ep. 127

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Fish was a dirty rotten bitch this week and decided to talk shit on Skyrim, so this synopsis is going to be petty and, quite frankly, ridiculous. This week, we decided to discuss games that were overrated or underrated with a revisionist history lens. The other three had great input and insight. However, the ichthyoid carcass washed up on the shores of the bog of eternal stench decided to blow his putrid bubbles in the way of a classic (really, he was right; I’m just bitter). Afterwards, we discussed our time with the Resident Evil 2 remake, Josh’s initial thoughts on Kingdom Hearts 3, and I’m sure Fish did something else in the show but I couldn’t care less about it. Oh, and we discussed dragons...because dragons are important. Enjoy the episode, and I hope Sheogorath drives you completely insane, Fish.

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Sponsored by Sassy D Merch - 14:38

Overrated Games - 17:00

Listener Comments (Underrated Games) - 55:02

Games We're Playing - 1:21:58

Resident Evil 2 - 1:52:21

Kingdom Hearts 3 - 2:25:50

Recorded on February 1, 2019

Bone and Snoo - Ep. 121

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A faceless humanoid suddenly appears in a large revolving technological machine. The four of us observe the blank slate; our brains working at hyperlight speed with ideas.

“Give it smaller ears and blue eyes,” Morgan states.

The machine receives the command. Giant panels whir and begin to revolve quickly around the slate. After about 20 second, the creature has ears and eyes matching the request.

“Give it a crew cut, a European nose, and a mouth with giant fangs,” Josh requests.

Again, the machine begins to whir and work, fulfilling the request and revealing the results.

“Make it about 180 centimeters and an athletic build,” Shea demands.

The machine creates and shows off its work.

“Give it a BAC. Also put it in purple pimp garb,” Fish happily directs towards the machine.

The machine beeps for a few seconds, processing the request. A hatch opens that is lined up with Fish’s forehead. The four stare at the machine, confused what is happening. A sawblade shoots out of the machine and severs Fish’s head clean in half.

This week on the Chompcast, we discuss how we all approach character creation. We also discuss an abundance of games, such as Super Smash Ultimate, Supergiant’s new game Hades, Monster Hunter: World, and more.

Recorded December 14, 2018